I don't think it has anything to do with television or media. I think it has a lot to do with absent parents trying to make enough money to survive, paired with a lack of proper medical and mental health care. Children are raising themselves on violent games and television shows while both parents are working 8-12 hour shifts just so they can afford to put food on the table. I grew up watching violent shows, watching deer and pigs being butchered every year and I don't go around killing people or animals and gutting them. Media has a very small role to play when you look at the much MUCH bigger picture. There are NO proper social programs in place especially in the US for dare I say *dangerous* special needs children and adults? The only way you can have someone institutionalized is to have them commit a serious crime... THAT is the only way to get *help* ... But also... please think about the amount of murderers and psychopaths are also in the US military, (I am not saying its only the us but the majority of it happens in the US) ... with no remorse whatsoever they gun down men women and children in other countries... their statements: "its a preventative measure" ... well why not just pick a new hitler and do what he did... try to wipe out an entire race just because they are different and have different views. No my friends... Media is not the problem... the way our children are raised and taught are the problem.
Scientifically speaking, a childs ability to differentiate between good and bad starts at birth... their minds are extremely moldible between the ages of 0-6 years of age... and many parents are too busy to deal with their children, or too tired to teach them, so in front of the video games and television they go to watch violent shows and play violent games... if you are 18 years old and just started Playing Halo, chances are you know that your neighbors don't deserve a bullet in the brain... but when you are 6 or 7 years old it makes perfect sense because you saw it on television... Ultimately this is not a problem that can be pinned down to one thing, give it be media, mental health, medical care, access to guns, etc. It will never come down to just one thing... its a whole slew of things. Sure as I said media definatly plays its part... but if the cost of living was affordable, mental health care and medical health care was affordable... maybe one of those parents could actually be at home with their children and teaching them right from wrong as society apparently isn't capable of doing as such on it's own. Parents need to realize that money isn't what makes your family.... your family does. Most of us at least had one of our parents at home with us until we reached school age 5-6 yrs old... In my own children I have seen a MAJOR difference in their attitudes, and behavior since I stopped working and became a stay at home mother again two years ago... The only thing that has changed is that I am home, they still watch the same violent movies (kids movies at that!) and they still play Halo at their fathers house on the weekends... the difference is that they have me home, and I explain to them how things work, the whys and the hows... they know they can rely on mom to be there for them when they get home so they aren't all pent up full of energy and anxiety and they have someone they can release it onto in a constructive way. I am far from a perfect parent... but my children aren't getting into fights at school... they aren't pulling knives on eachother... and they are far better behaved than I ever was, and they play much more violent games than I ever did
The two statements above are part of a conversation I just recently had on facebook... My very sweet friends post was about how Media played such a large roll in all the goings on with children killing children... Obviously my point of view is in a much larger sense... its always easier to blame media, or the government, or or or or... but when in fact it comes down to how we are raising our children. In Canada it's not quite as bad, but all over North America children are being parented by *care givers* and *teachers* .. daycares, the neighbours teenager etc... these people are an okay substitute from time to time... but they do not have the bonds with your child like you do... or at least like you should. The bonds between child and parent are growing so thin nowadays... Who is to blame? Both parents have to work full time jobs plus some in order to afford to put food on the table, to cover the cost of child care, school expenses, medical, dental, and mental health care.... We are taught that co-sleeping is dangerous (closeness with your child is bad)... breastfeeding is frowned upon... attached parenting is bad... who is fooling who? Society is totally screwed up. In order to make your children happy you are convinced you have to get them the latest Iphone, their own laptop.... the best car as soon as they are old enough to get a driving permit etc... this is ridiculous.
I get that parents want the best for their children... I really do... I would love to get my children all the wants in the world... but our priority is the needs. We don't have cable tv... we do have internet... we have a telephone... we don't put our kids in daycare, in fact we have only had a babysitter twice in two years... I am a full time parent, my life revolves around my kids schedules... I spend time with them, while I am cooking dinner they sit at the table and talk to me and ask me questions and I answer them the best I can. The lines have been blurred as to what parenting is. So many mothers only a few weeks after giving birth are in a hurry to get back to work because they didn't qualify for parental benefits.... this makes me sad. Isn't the reason for having children is to enjoy them while they are young? One day your children will be too busy for their own children much less you...
Society is fucked up. It really has nothing to do with media, gun policy's, etc... it has everything to do with where YOU are as a parent.
Monday, 17 December 2012
What we deem acceptable
Recent events have triggered my brain to go into over drive... The events I am talking about is the Newtown Shootings in Conneticut. The reason that this has caused my brain to go into over drive is because this is something that doesn't happen daily on our continent...
It is horrible and tragic that 20 children lost their lives, I couldn't imagine what their families are going through, but here is what I know...
A young man obviously suffered from a mental illness (undiagnosed) and went through a *break* mentally... he shot his own mother after stealing her guns from her gun collection, walked into an elementary school and started shooting. Nobody really knows why. But here is the kicker... every where I look on facebook someone has posted how they are terrified to put their kids in public school because of this, people who live in Canada, not in the states that don't know these children or families are crying over the event... American Media have sensationalized this situation... How about the thousands of families that lose their children every single day to bombings by US drones or their own countrymen in Pakistan? or Afghanistan Or how about the thousands of children that starve to death, or die from infection from filthy water in India or Africa? What Canadian or American families cry for them?
A short while ago a US military man went on a drunken rampage and killed 16 people in Afghanistan in the middle of the night while they slept in their houses... 9 of which were children, one man lost his entire family... And you know what happened to him? Nothing so far. If he had done the same in the US, everyone would be in an uproar demanding justice and he probably would have been shot on sight. But.. I suppose his justification of "I thought I was doing the right thing" (by shooting brown people in their sleep in another country) has actually been taken into account!!! I am MORE outraged by this small story... Mainly because it was NOT in the news... no you have to search for this type of information. "he was on steroids and was drinking" was his defence... What kind of defence is that? He did not plea guilty or innocent either. He admitted to being fully aware of what he did, and was fully aware of what he was doing as he did it... and when he was on trial he gave NO statement, and as they showed the victims and the aftermath of what he did, this father of two stood and watched showing absolutely no remorse. What I learn from this is that it is okay to murder, rape, and beat small children to death in another country, but if it happens in the US to little white kids in a well to do neighbourhood look out!!!
A 14 year old Pakistani girl was shot in the head and neck while her classmates watched on the school bus... do you know why? Because she was proud to go to school... Because she encouraged other girls to do the same... She has survived, but will not be safe in her own country again. The Taliban has vowed to kill her... I didn't see this pasted all over facebook.
At least 10 young girls have been killed after an explosion in the eastern Afghan province of Nangarhar, officials say.The explosion occurred in the Charparhar district on Monday morning.The girls, ranged between nine and 13 years of age, were gathering firewood outside the Dawlatzai village when the explosion took place, said Mohammad Seddiq, a local government administrator.It was not immediately clear what caused the explosion.
It is horrible and tragic that 20 children lost their lives, I couldn't imagine what their families are going through, but here is what I know...
A young man obviously suffered from a mental illness (undiagnosed) and went through a *break* mentally... he shot his own mother after stealing her guns from her gun collection, walked into an elementary school and started shooting. Nobody really knows why. But here is the kicker... every where I look on facebook someone has posted how they are terrified to put their kids in public school because of this, people who live in Canada, not in the states that don't know these children or families are crying over the event... American Media have sensationalized this situation... How about the thousands of families that lose their children every single day to bombings by US drones or their own countrymen in Pakistan? or Afghanistan Or how about the thousands of children that starve to death, or die from infection from filthy water in India or Africa? What Canadian or American families cry for them?
A short while ago a US military man went on a drunken rampage and killed 16 people in Afghanistan in the middle of the night while they slept in their houses... 9 of which were children, one man lost his entire family... And you know what happened to him? Nothing so far. If he had done the same in the US, everyone would be in an uproar demanding justice and he probably would have been shot on sight. But.. I suppose his justification of "I thought I was doing the right thing" (by shooting brown people in their sleep in another country) has actually been taken into account!!! I am MORE outraged by this small story... Mainly because it was NOT in the news... no you have to search for this type of information. "he was on steroids and was drinking" was his defence... What kind of defence is that? He did not plea guilty or innocent either. He admitted to being fully aware of what he did, and was fully aware of what he was doing as he did it... and when he was on trial he gave NO statement, and as they showed the victims and the aftermath of what he did, this father of two stood and watched showing absolutely no remorse. What I learn from this is that it is okay to murder, rape, and beat small children to death in another country, but if it happens in the US to little white kids in a well to do neighbourhood look out!!!
A 14 year old Pakistani girl was shot in the head and neck while her classmates watched on the school bus... do you know why? Because she was proud to go to school... Because she encouraged other girls to do the same... She has survived, but will not be safe in her own country again. The Taliban has vowed to kill her... I didn't see this pasted all over facebook.
At least 10 young girls have been killed after an explosion in the eastern Afghan province of Nangarhar, officials say.The explosion occurred in the Charparhar district on Monday morning.The girls, ranged between nine and 13 years of age, were gathering firewood outside the Dawlatzai village when the explosion took place, said Mohammad Seddiq, a local government administrator.It was not immediately clear what caused the explosion.
Seddiq said that two other girls were seriously wounded in the explosion and were in critical condition at a local hospital.
In the first six months of 2012 over 578 children were killed or wounded in Afghanistan.
I am not trying to be callus, or uncaring... I care maybe too much... you weep for the children of one little town, but do nothing to try and help those who's lives are in danger every day. It is up to us to make a difference. WE CAN make a difference... But I suppose everyone is *too busy* so sign petitions, or write a letter to the Canadian or US government, because its not happening on this continent, so it does not affect us, it's not as frightening... it's not so close, so it's okay.
Sunday, 1 July 2012
WAHM= Work at home mom
My very home made cloth diaper!
Its not the greatest... but its pretty awesome for a first try after years and years of not sewing and even more years of not dealing with elastic... Working on diapers with a high needs baby is a challenge though... trying to tidy up the house, one handed... and trying to find the time to sew is like searching for a needle in a hay stack.. and pretty exhausting... but I am starting to find a bit of balance. My second diaper turned out a lot better... plus its super rad camo...
I love this diaper... Or should I say... I love contrasting colors. My third diaper is perfect and of course the colors are amazing as well. I have figured out that I need to have a stack of them cut out ready to go... that way when I have a little bit of time I can put in the snaps... and then sew them together before adding elastic... but its all in baby steps... one day I cut, the next I do snaps, the day after that I sew... and the day after that I do elastics... once I get into a regular routine I am hoping to have made one to three diapers per day until I have a lot of stock. Hopefully I will be able to sell these beauties.
I am improving the design and no longer work from a pattern... well I do work from a patter but I work from my own pattern... its just more gooder that way!
There WILL be more! Promise!
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Its been raining...
ITS BEEN RAINING!!!
It's been raining... like non stop. This mama is going crazy... what kind of summer holidays will we have if there is no summer?!
My partner and I decided to head up the lake for a much needed family day... unsure as to what the weather was going to be like we mustered up all our luck for the day!
Our first stop was at the bottom of Davis Creek... we took the lower path because its very short and ends at a little cave that we thought would be fun for the kids to investigate. The kids weren't too keen on getting out of the van until they realized we were actually going to do something fun!
I had to lead the way... I ignored the complaining from the oldest and walked away...
I still cannot believe how hard it is to have *fun* with a teenager... even when you KNOW they are having fun... they can't smile like other people because then someone would think they were less cool... cause you know... you're so fracking cool in your family's eyes... (psst I know what your pajamas look like and I know you cry when I ask you to do dishes DUH)
We found that the end of the cave was not escapable due to the flooding creek... the rain had brought the water so high it was leaking into the cave... oh well it was fun... time to turn back!!
I only wacked my head 7 or 8 times while ambling slowly through the cave with a squirming and freaked out 8 month old in my arms... no biggy... I got some good pictures....
As you can see... the teenager almost broke her face smiling... I am not sure if thats an amused look or a pained expression... probably a little bit of both...
My second born was having a blast with the camera... she is setting up her next shot in this photo above... And might I add it is very difficult to get all of them together for a photo and actually have them sit still for it...
I tried to make sure everyone was miserable... I am just not doing my job unless someone is crying...
I am really not sure what she is doing here... but I thought it was nerdy enough to post.... 0_o
My third born... giving me the googley eye...
Then we made a stop in Kaslo for something to eat and decided to go on the old paddlewheeler boat S.S. Moyie for a scavenger hunt!!!
And of course I had to take some lovely photos of old stuff...
and some more....
oh yah... and more pictures of the kids moving and being blurry....
In 40 years the kids will be able to look back at these photos and remember what we all did together...
And possibly wonder wtf?
So ... to the weather I say... IN YOUR FACE!!! WE WILL STILL HAVE FUN!!!
It's been raining... like non stop. This mama is going crazy... what kind of summer holidays will we have if there is no summer?!
My partner and I decided to head up the lake for a much needed family day... unsure as to what the weather was going to be like we mustered up all our luck for the day!
Our first stop was at the bottom of Davis Creek... we took the lower path because its very short and ends at a little cave that we thought would be fun for the kids to investigate. The kids weren't too keen on getting out of the van until they realized we were actually going to do something fun!
I had to lead the way... I ignored the complaining from the oldest and walked away...
she reluctantly followed...
And then things got interesting....
We found that the end of the cave was not escapable due to the flooding creek... the rain had brought the water so high it was leaking into the cave... oh well it was fun... time to turn back!!
I only wacked my head 7 or 8 times while ambling slowly through the cave with a squirming and freaked out 8 month old in my arms... no biggy... I got some good pictures....
As you can see... the teenager almost broke her face smiling... I am not sure if thats an amused look or a pained expression... probably a little bit of both...
My third born... giving me the googley eye...
My family... my lovelies <3
And of course I had to take some lovely photos of old stuff...
In 40 years the kids will be able to look back at these photos and remember what we all did together...
And possibly wonder wtf?
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Sleep baby Sleep!
There is so much controversy around sleep training, co-sleeping, and letting a baby cry it out that some new mommies heads are spinning with all the different advice they are given... I'd like to state right here and now... I don't agree with letting a baby cry it out... sometimes the transition from wakefulness to sleep is dizzying and un-nerving even to adults, and I have no doubt that it can be so for babies as well.
I have done a lot of research and reading on parenting, sleeping, eating etc... not just on the internet, I have many books as well... I find that the best way to help your baby sleep, is to follow your instincts... if it doesn't feel right letting your baby cry... DON'T DO IT!!!
I am a co-sleeping supporter... given the right conditions of course... Don't co-sleep with your baby if you and your partner are heavy sleepers, if you have had a few drinks, or you or your partner toss and turn a lot at night or you are taking any sort of drug or medication like anti-depressants or sleep aids... this will cause not only sleep issues in your child, but you run the risk of smothering him or her in your sleep unintentionally. Also another cause for suffocation (and actually one of the most common) is baby getting stuck between headboard and mattress, I blame this on a soft mattress, or the bed is put together wrong etc... soft mattress = bad mojo...
Tips on SAFE co-sleeping (nothing and I mean NOTHING is 100% safe) 1) avoid a lot of pillows, just one for you, and one for your partner, baby does not need one (2) do not take medications or drugs/alcohol before going to bed with your baby, these things inhibit your ability to respond and can desensitize you to where your baby is in the family bed. (3) Stiff mattress only! soft bedding can not only cause baby to suffocate but if you roll over onto him you may only just squish him into the padding rather than feel him right there with you... a hard mattress is a good mattress! (4) avoid co-sleeping with other children, baby gets squished easy and all those extra limbs can prove a danger to baby.
ABOVE ALL ELSE DO RESEARCH ON EVERYTHING BEFORE TRYING IT WITH BABY!
I have a few friends that have done the cry it out method, I even did it with my first born... I didn't want to do it with my first born, I did not feel right allowing her to cry herself to sleep when I was perfectly happy rocking her to sleep every night... but my ex pushed and pushed because its what one of his friends told us to do, he even went as far as sitting on me so that I did not run to my daughter to comfort her... I was heart broken. I find that now she has attachment issues, has a hard time developing relationships with peers and has distrust of most adults in her life.
with my second and third born babies, at about 7-9 months of age I would rock them to sleep and put them in their bed (mattress on the floor) ... they would wake after a few hours of sleep and I would bring them back to bed with me for the remainder of the night.. by the time they were 10 months of age I would rock them to sleep, put them in their beds and they would wake around 5am to come and snuggle with me in the morning... at a year of age I would rock them until they were just falling asleep, put them in their cribs and they would just look at me as I sat by their bed and either rubbed their backs or laid with them until they were entirely asleep.... there was no crying, no heart ache, and no emotional attachment issues whatsoever.
At the moment I have a 7 month old who sleeps with me every night, I put him in his bassinet beside the bed usually for the most part of the night, he will wake to nurse and sometimes I am with it enough to put him back in his bassinet afterwards, but usually its just easier and nicer to bring him to bed with me... he often wakes 2-5 times during the night, this is not because of how we sleep, this is because of his GERD. As his reflux subsides he sleeps longer and heavier... it's taking a lot of time and patience though.
I would like to say that of course anything that works for you and your family is great... I support the choices you make for YOUR family and children... but I do not believe that is the only way, and I expect the same respect and support in turn. That being said, there is now new scientific evidence that provides information on the effects of the CIO method proving how it negatively affects your childs FUTURE (future meaning adulthood, so please keep your *my baby is fine* comments to yourself until your child is 25-30 years of age and shows symptoms of emotional instability) abilities to develop healthy relationships, and healthy attachments. This does not just effect abilities of course, this has a lot to do with brain development... although CIO does not cause brain damage, it actually impedes brain development!!! Certain nerves and cells in the brain grow when a child is nurtured and comforted when they cry... when left to their own with no comfort, no nurturing, these nerves and cells break down and redirect, thus distrust and emotional instability can and more likely will develop.
There are other types of sleep training of course, you don't have to allow your baby to cry and cry until he or she passes out, (they pass out from being emotionally distraught, not tiredness). But please be aware that most *sleep training* requires you to go against your own grains of what feels right and doesn't feel right... you can easily become desensitized to your babies needs, and your baby can become desensitized to everything around him and withdraw. Most sleep training methods only teach you one thing, how to ignore your baby's calls for comfort and help, and they teach your baby one thing, nobody will come when you need comfort or help.
If your current daytime/night time routine is not working for you, it is quite possible that you need to sit down and write out what your bedtime goal is... if you want baby to fall asleep by a certain time, have a routine... for example: Dinner time 7pm, bath time 7:30pm, bed time 8pm... do this every day so it is predictable... baby's love this type of security, they know what happens next and will eventually fall into a better sleep pattern, once baby is comfortable going to sleep at 8pm, start laying him down and staying close at that time he will no doubt be in the routine enough that he will eventually (it could take weeks or a month even) to fall asleep on his own without crying and without you learning to ignore him. he knows this time is bed time, and he has been preparing for it since dinner time!!!
Routine routine routine ladies... and gents. This is ultimately my goal with my youngest, as I had a wonderful routine with my two middle children, I hope to have the same routine with my little man. That being said I hope that his GERD is gone soon so that I can establish a good solid routine with him.
No single approach will work with all babies, all the time... Or with one baby all the time, DON'T persist with a failing sleep program if it is NOT working with you and your baby.
a good read below...
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting
I have done a lot of research and reading on parenting, sleeping, eating etc... not just on the internet, I have many books as well... I find that the best way to help your baby sleep, is to follow your instincts... if it doesn't feel right letting your baby cry... DON'T DO IT!!!
I am a co-sleeping supporter... given the right conditions of course... Don't co-sleep with your baby if you and your partner are heavy sleepers, if you have had a few drinks, or you or your partner toss and turn a lot at night or you are taking any sort of drug or medication like anti-depressants or sleep aids... this will cause not only sleep issues in your child, but you run the risk of smothering him or her in your sleep unintentionally. Also another cause for suffocation (and actually one of the most common) is baby getting stuck between headboard and mattress, I blame this on a soft mattress, or the bed is put together wrong etc... soft mattress = bad mojo...
Tips on SAFE co-sleeping (nothing and I mean NOTHING is 100% safe) 1) avoid a lot of pillows, just one for you, and one for your partner, baby does not need one (2) do not take medications or drugs/alcohol before going to bed with your baby, these things inhibit your ability to respond and can desensitize you to where your baby is in the family bed. (3) Stiff mattress only! soft bedding can not only cause baby to suffocate but if you roll over onto him you may only just squish him into the padding rather than feel him right there with you... a hard mattress is a good mattress! (4) avoid co-sleeping with other children, baby gets squished easy and all those extra limbs can prove a danger to baby.
ABOVE ALL ELSE DO RESEARCH ON EVERYTHING BEFORE TRYING IT WITH BABY!
I have a few friends that have done the cry it out method, I even did it with my first born... I didn't want to do it with my first born, I did not feel right allowing her to cry herself to sleep when I was perfectly happy rocking her to sleep every night... but my ex pushed and pushed because its what one of his friends told us to do, he even went as far as sitting on me so that I did not run to my daughter to comfort her... I was heart broken. I find that now she has attachment issues, has a hard time developing relationships with peers and has distrust of most adults in her life.
with my second and third born babies, at about 7-9 months of age I would rock them to sleep and put them in their bed (mattress on the floor) ... they would wake after a few hours of sleep and I would bring them back to bed with me for the remainder of the night.. by the time they were 10 months of age I would rock them to sleep, put them in their beds and they would wake around 5am to come and snuggle with me in the morning... at a year of age I would rock them until they were just falling asleep, put them in their cribs and they would just look at me as I sat by their bed and either rubbed their backs or laid with them until they were entirely asleep.... there was no crying, no heart ache, and no emotional attachment issues whatsoever.
At the moment I have a 7 month old who sleeps with me every night, I put him in his bassinet beside the bed usually for the most part of the night, he will wake to nurse and sometimes I am with it enough to put him back in his bassinet afterwards, but usually its just easier and nicer to bring him to bed with me... he often wakes 2-5 times during the night, this is not because of how we sleep, this is because of his GERD. As his reflux subsides he sleeps longer and heavier... it's taking a lot of time and patience though.
I would like to say that of course anything that works for you and your family is great... I support the choices you make for YOUR family and children... but I do not believe that is the only way, and I expect the same respect and support in turn. That being said, there is now new scientific evidence that provides information on the effects of the CIO method proving how it negatively affects your childs FUTURE (future meaning adulthood, so please keep your *my baby is fine* comments to yourself until your child is 25-30 years of age and shows symptoms of emotional instability) abilities to develop healthy relationships, and healthy attachments. This does not just effect abilities of course, this has a lot to do with brain development... although CIO does not cause brain damage, it actually impedes brain development!!! Certain nerves and cells in the brain grow when a child is nurtured and comforted when they cry... when left to their own with no comfort, no nurturing, these nerves and cells break down and redirect, thus distrust and emotional instability can and more likely will develop.
There are other types of sleep training of course, you don't have to allow your baby to cry and cry until he or she passes out, (they pass out from being emotionally distraught, not tiredness). But please be aware that most *sleep training* requires you to go against your own grains of what feels right and doesn't feel right... you can easily become desensitized to your babies needs, and your baby can become desensitized to everything around him and withdraw. Most sleep training methods only teach you one thing, how to ignore your baby's calls for comfort and help, and they teach your baby one thing, nobody will come when you need comfort or help.
If your current daytime/night time routine is not working for you, it is quite possible that you need to sit down and write out what your bedtime goal is... if you want baby to fall asleep by a certain time, have a routine... for example: Dinner time 7pm, bath time 7:30pm, bed time 8pm... do this every day so it is predictable... baby's love this type of security, they know what happens next and will eventually fall into a better sleep pattern, once baby is comfortable going to sleep at 8pm, start laying him down and staying close at that time he will no doubt be in the routine enough that he will eventually (it could take weeks or a month even) to fall asleep on his own without crying and without you learning to ignore him. he knows this time is bed time, and he has been preparing for it since dinner time!!!
Routine routine routine ladies... and gents. This is ultimately my goal with my youngest, as I had a wonderful routine with my two middle children, I hope to have the same routine with my little man. That being said I hope that his GERD is gone soon so that I can establish a good solid routine with him.
No single approach will work with all babies, all the time... Or with one baby all the time, DON'T persist with a failing sleep program if it is NOT working with you and your baby.
a good read below...
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting
Monday, 14 May 2012
Raising creative intuitive children
Olivia... Invented by shakespeare for his Play "Twelfth night" Olivia was either meant to be the female form of 'Oliver' or derived from the word 'Olive' which is a symbol of peace.
Olivia as a baby never cried... never got herself worked up... and would not wake me at niht for feedings.. I just 'knew' when to wake up and feed her. Until she was 9 months old she never made a sound. At 9 months she had a surgery on her ear, and didn't like the doctor, she finally cried that day... and so did I.
By the age of three years I knew she was vastly different than other children her age. She had no interest in socializing with other children... and was happy to play on her own or hang with the grown ups. She said and understood things most children couldn't at such a young age. There was one morning (about 5am) I woke to a knock at the door... a strange woman was standing on my doorstep with little Olivia, who had decided around 4am to take the dog for a walk down the highway... in her panties and gum boots in the snow! This is when we decided we needed a lock on the very top of the door, because the bolt we had she could reach when using a chair and the flour bin!!!
At 5 years of age I hesitantly put Olivia in kindergarten... I was worried she would not do so well... I was correct... the first few days were okay. After the first two weeks Olivia was showing signs of stress, when I went to inform the teacher I discovered a substitute in her place... I told the sub, and left her to it. An hour later I received a phone call... Olivia had a fit... threw herself on the floor and was banging her head repeatedly... I had to come get her because every time someone tried to console her she acted out more. This is when we discovered she was easily overwhelmed in social settings, any physical touch could set her off... a TA touched her shoulder when telling her how well she did and it sent her into a frenzy. It took several days to calm her down
A few days after this incident I was contacted by ministry of children and family's, they were suspecting abuse of course because children *don't normally act that way* ... well ministry came and went... they saw my home... the way we lived, and how my children are with me... they saw no reason to interfere again. I of course was offended by the fact that someone suspected me but I let it roll off my back. I knew I was doing the best I could with my children.
Several weeks later I received yet another phone call from the ministry, and a visit of course... Olivia had been jumping on the couch while I was making dinner, and just as I had finished telling her not to she ended up jumping over the back of the couch and face planting into the boot rack... Apparently because I did not tell her teacher why she had a bruise on her forehead it must be because I was beating her... just to add to this... NOBODY ASKED WHAT HAPPENED!
I gave up and pulled her out of school. I told the teacher she was one of the worse kindergarten teachers I had ever met. I realize she was just doing her job... and was looking out for the children... but my daughter was very obviously different than the rest of them, and if she wasn't willing to hear me out than why bother having her in that class?
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School has always been a challenge with my very creative, and very different second born child. She has learned to manipulate people to get what she wants. Throwing fits in class so she gets special one on one *art time* in a quiet room away from the other kids is ultimately her goal... as well as turning on the water works at lunch time and claiming she has nothing to eat so she gets an extra granola bar... and obviously NOT eating her sandwich or apple. (I am happy to say after 4 years the teachers are finally listening to me)... all this being said... she is a brilliant little person with so much love and creativity just pouring out of her.
It did not take long for me to know exactly how different she was... when she finally *settled* into school (still needing out of class time to bring herself down) I had a meeting with the TEAM of teachers and therepists helping her... they all had different ideas on what Olivia is like... I spoke up finally after an hour of listening to them go on and on about ADHD and ADD... she is neither of those. "have ANY of you noticed she uses both right and left hands when shes coloring or writing?" ... all the teachers went silent... one of them finally spoke up and said "not only is she ambidextrous physically but I think she is ambidextrous mentally as well.. she can follow what is going on in the class room AND still be learning what the teacher is teaching" .... finally someone had noticed my childs gift.
Olivia is a cuddly, gentle, and sensitive little person... and by little I mean up until last year she was easily mistaken for being only 5 or 6 years old when in fact she is turning 11!! Her vocabulary is at a grade 9 level... and her understanding of things is easily above many adults I know. When she is not sure of a persons name she makes up a name and continues to call them that name until she sees fit to call them by their own name... Take Fergus for example, my sisters boyfriend. Olivia had forgotten his name... so she started calling him *Oakster* ... I have no idea where this name came from... but she still calls him that to this day... when you say *Fergus* she says *oh you mean Oakster*. Not only that but if you ask her what she would do if she were stranded on an island with no food she would reply with "I'd start cannibalizing, I think I would eat the people I don't like first"... strange and wonderful little girl...
I think it was hard for my partner to ease carefully into being a part of our family, but Olivia sure loved him right off the bat. She is not shy to share her feelings with people... she made sure to snuggle him when he was on the couch... and she tells him that she loves him almost every day. I don't know how this story will unfold with Olivia... but I am sure it will be a colorful and interesting one at the very least.
Olivia as a baby never cried... never got herself worked up... and would not wake me at niht for feedings.. I just 'knew' when to wake up and feed her. Until she was 9 months old she never made a sound. At 9 months she had a surgery on her ear, and didn't like the doctor, she finally cried that day... and so did I.
By the age of three years I knew she was vastly different than other children her age. She had no interest in socializing with other children... and was happy to play on her own or hang with the grown ups. She said and understood things most children couldn't at such a young age. There was one morning (about 5am) I woke to a knock at the door... a strange woman was standing on my doorstep with little Olivia, who had decided around 4am to take the dog for a walk down the highway... in her panties and gum boots in the snow! This is when we decided we needed a lock on the very top of the door, because the bolt we had she could reach when using a chair and the flour bin!!!
At 5 years of age I hesitantly put Olivia in kindergarten... I was worried she would not do so well... I was correct... the first few days were okay. After the first two weeks Olivia was showing signs of stress, when I went to inform the teacher I discovered a substitute in her place... I told the sub, and left her to it. An hour later I received a phone call... Olivia had a fit... threw herself on the floor and was banging her head repeatedly... I had to come get her because every time someone tried to console her she acted out more. This is when we discovered she was easily overwhelmed in social settings, any physical touch could set her off... a TA touched her shoulder when telling her how well she did and it sent her into a frenzy. It took several days to calm her down
A few days after this incident I was contacted by ministry of children and family's, they were suspecting abuse of course because children *don't normally act that way* ... well ministry came and went... they saw my home... the way we lived, and how my children are with me... they saw no reason to interfere again. I of course was offended by the fact that someone suspected me but I let it roll off my back. I knew I was doing the best I could with my children.
Several weeks later I received yet another phone call from the ministry, and a visit of course... Olivia had been jumping on the couch while I was making dinner, and just as I had finished telling her not to she ended up jumping over the back of the couch and face planting into the boot rack... Apparently because I did not tell her teacher why she had a bruise on her forehead it must be because I was beating her... just to add to this... NOBODY ASKED WHAT HAPPENED!
I gave up and pulled her out of school. I told the teacher she was one of the worse kindergarten teachers I had ever met. I realize she was just doing her job... and was looking out for the children... but my daughter was very obviously different than the rest of them, and if she wasn't willing to hear me out than why bother having her in that class?
School has always been a challenge with my very creative, and very different second born child. She has learned to manipulate people to get what she wants. Throwing fits in class so she gets special one on one *art time* in a quiet room away from the other kids is ultimately her goal... as well as turning on the water works at lunch time and claiming she has nothing to eat so she gets an extra granola bar... and obviously NOT eating her sandwich or apple. (I am happy to say after 4 years the teachers are finally listening to me)... all this being said... she is a brilliant little person with so much love and creativity just pouring out of her.
It did not take long for me to know exactly how different she was... when she finally *settled* into school (still needing out of class time to bring herself down) I had a meeting with the TEAM of teachers and therepists helping her... they all had different ideas on what Olivia is like... I spoke up finally after an hour of listening to them go on and on about ADHD and ADD... she is neither of those. "have ANY of you noticed she uses both right and left hands when shes coloring or writing?" ... all the teachers went silent... one of them finally spoke up and said "not only is she ambidextrous physically but I think she is ambidextrous mentally as well.. she can follow what is going on in the class room AND still be learning what the teacher is teaching" .... finally someone had noticed my childs gift.
Olivia is a cuddly, gentle, and sensitive little person... and by little I mean up until last year she was easily mistaken for being only 5 or 6 years old when in fact she is turning 11!! Her vocabulary is at a grade 9 level... and her understanding of things is easily above many adults I know. When she is not sure of a persons name she makes up a name and continues to call them that name until she sees fit to call them by their own name... Take Fergus for example, my sisters boyfriend. Olivia had forgotten his name... so she started calling him *Oakster* ... I have no idea where this name came from... but she still calls him that to this day... when you say *Fergus* she says *oh you mean Oakster*. Not only that but if you ask her what she would do if she were stranded on an island with no food she would reply with "I'd start cannibalizing, I think I would eat the people I don't like first"... strange and wonderful little girl...
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| Olivia showing the camera some *dead carcass hair* |
I think it was hard for my partner to ease carefully into being a part of our family, but Olivia sure loved him right off the bat. She is not shy to share her feelings with people... she made sure to snuggle him when he was on the couch... and she tells him that she loves him almost every day. I don't know how this story will unfold with Olivia... but I am sure it will be a colorful and interesting one at the very least.
MADATA- Moms And Dads Against Teen Angst
After reading a friends facebook status on how to make a school morning enjoyable for children I couldn't resist...
My idea of an enjoyable school morning is as follows...
1) Walk into the bedroom of the usually grumpiest (teenager) kids room blasting 60's music while disco dancing /jumping on their bed and yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
2) when cereal is grumpily being poured into bowls proceed to either
a) chase child around the room ass first threatening to fart on them or
b) Try to do the *mommy breakdance* while making strange faces
Note* Teenager will raise one eyebrow and either call you weird or say something like
"oh my god you are so embarrassing"
- Oh my god you are so embarrassing = I really want you to do this when my friends are over visiting
- When you get a headshake you KNOW your doing it right!
3) When they start complaining about there being *nothing to eat*... offer them some farts... proceed to chase around the room screaming their names while moving your butt cheeks so it looks like your butt is talking!
4) Always approach teen caring and lovingly when you are particularly gassy.... grab teen and fart... say "just relax and accept it" while patting them on the head over and over..
5) When friends are over make sure to say random things that make no sense... they will then hang out quietly away from you.
6) When teen looks miserable (more than usual) ask "why so glum chumdiddlyumdumbumflumbiddledeedoo?" - this will confuse them and they might crack a smile... or you will at least get a raised eyebrow.
7) "you are horrible I hate you, you never let me do anything!!!" = you are doing a good job mom (dad) I love you so much!
8) when teen complains about siblings getting all the attention... jump on teen, kiss them all over their face and yell "YOU TASTE SO GOOD I LOVE YOU I SHOULD HAVE COOKED AND EATEN YOU LIKE I DID WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER!!!!" - this will raise questions, opening them up for one on one conversation and bonding time.
This is the "mom... I love you" look.
My idea of an enjoyable school morning is as follows...
1) Walk into the bedroom of the usually grumpiest (teenager) kids room blasting 60's music while disco dancing /jumping on their bed and yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
2) when cereal is grumpily being poured into bowls proceed to either
a) chase child around the room ass first threatening to fart on them or
b) Try to do the *mommy breakdance* while making strange faces
Note* Teenager will raise one eyebrow and either call you weird or say something like
"oh my god you are so embarrassing"
- Oh my god you are so embarrassing = I really want you to do this when my friends are over visiting
- When you get a headshake you KNOW your doing it right!
3) When they start complaining about there being *nothing to eat*... offer them some farts... proceed to chase around the room screaming their names while moving your butt cheeks so it looks like your butt is talking!
4) Always approach teen caring and lovingly when you are particularly gassy.... grab teen and fart... say "just relax and accept it" while patting them on the head over and over..
5) When friends are over make sure to say random things that make no sense... they will then hang out quietly away from you.
6) When teen looks miserable (more than usual) ask "why so glum chumdiddlyumdumbumflumbiddledeedoo?" - this will confuse them and they might crack a smile... or you will at least get a raised eyebrow.
7) "you are horrible I hate you, you never let me do anything!!!" = you are doing a good job mom (dad) I love you so much!
8) when teen complains about siblings getting all the attention... jump on teen, kiss them all over their face and yell "YOU TASTE SO GOOD I LOVE YOU I SHOULD HAVE COOKED AND EATEN YOU LIKE I DID WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER!!!!" - this will raise questions, opening them up for one on one conversation and bonding time.
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