I don't think it has anything to do with television or media. I think it has a lot to do with absent parents trying to make enough money to survive, paired with a lack of proper medical and mental health care. Children are raising themselves on violent games and television shows while both parents are working 8-12 hour shifts just so they can afford to put food on the table. I grew up watching violent shows, watching deer and pigs being butchered every year and I don't go around killing people or animals and gutting them. Media has a very small role to play when you look at the much MUCH bigger picture. There are NO proper social programs in place especially in the US for dare I say *dangerous* special needs children and adults? The only way you can have someone institutionalized is to have them commit a serious crime... THAT is the only way to get *help* ... But also... please think about the amount of murderers and psychopaths are also in the US military, (I am not saying its only the us but the majority of it happens in the US) ... with no remorse whatsoever they gun down men women and children in other countries... their statements: "its a preventative measure" ... well why not just pick a new hitler and do what he did... try to wipe out an entire race just because they are different and have different views. No my friends... Media is not the problem... the way our children are raised and taught are the problem.

 Scientifically speaking, a childs ability to differentiate between good and bad starts at birth... their minds are extremely moldible between the ages of 0-6 years of age... and many parents are too busy to deal with their children, or too tired to teach them, so in front of the video games and television they go to watch violent shows and play violent games... if you are 18 years old and just started Playing Halo, chances are you know that your neighbors don't deserve a bullet in the brain... but when you are 6 or 7 years old it makes perfect sense because you saw it on television... Ultimately this is not a problem that can be pinned down to one thing, give it be media, mental health, medical care, access to guns, etc. It will never come down to just one thing... its a whole slew of things. Sure as I said media definatly plays its part... but if the cost of living was affordable, mental health care and medical health care was affordable... maybe one of those parents could actually be at home with their children and teaching them right from wrong as society apparently isn't capable of doing as such on it's own. Parents need to realize that money isn't what makes your family.... your family does. Most of us at least had one of our parents at home with us until we reached school age 5-6 yrs old... In my own children I have seen a MAJOR difference in their attitudes, and behavior since I stopped working and became a stay at home mother again two years ago... The only thing that has changed is that I am home, they still watch the same violent movies (kids movies at that!) and they still play Halo at their fathers house on the weekends... the difference is that they have me home, and I explain to them how things work, the whys and the hows... they know they can rely on mom to be there for them when they get home so they aren't all pent up full of energy and anxiety and they have someone they can release it onto in a constructive way. I am far from a perfect parent... but my children aren't getting into fights at school... they aren't pulling knives on eachother... and they are far better behaved than I ever was, and they play much more violent games than I ever did

The two statements above are part of a conversation I just recently had on facebook... My very sweet friends post was about how Media played such a large roll in all the goings on with children killing children... Obviously my point of view is in a much larger sense... its always easier to blame media, or the government, or or or or... but when in fact it comes down to how we are raising our children. In  Canada it's not quite as bad, but all over North America children are being parented by *care givers* and *teachers* .. daycares, the neighbours teenager etc... these people are an okay substitute from time to time... but they do not have the bonds with your child like you do... or at least like you should. The bonds between child and parent are growing so thin nowadays... Who is to blame? Both parents have to work full time jobs plus some in order to afford to put food on the table, to cover the cost of child care, school expenses, medical, dental, and mental health care....  We are taught that co-sleeping is dangerous (closeness with your child is bad)... breastfeeding is frowned upon... attached parenting is bad... who is fooling who? Society is totally screwed up. In order to make your children happy you are convinced you have to get them the latest Iphone, their own laptop.... the best car as soon as they are old enough to get a driving permit etc... this is ridiculous. 

  I get that parents want the best for their children... I really do... I would love to get my children all the wants in the world... but our priority is the needs. We don't have cable tv... we do have internet... we have a telephone... we don't put our kids in daycare, in fact we have only had a babysitter twice in two years... I am a full time parent, my life revolves around my kids schedules... I spend time with them, while I am cooking dinner they sit at the table and talk to me and ask me questions and I answer them the best I can. The lines have been blurred as to what parenting is. So many mothers only a few weeks after giving birth are in a hurry to get back to work because they didn't qualify for parental benefits.... this makes me sad. Isn't the reason for having children is to enjoy them while they are young? One day your children will be too busy for their own children much less you... 

  Society is fucked up. It really has nothing to do with media, gun policy's, etc... it has everything to do with where YOU are as a parent. 

What we deem acceptable

  Recent events have triggered my brain to go into over drive... The events I am talking about is the Newtown Shootings in Conneticut. The reason that this has caused my brain to go into over drive is because this is something that doesn't happen daily on our continent...

It is horrible and tragic that 20 children lost their lives, I couldn't imagine what their families are going through, but here is what I know...
 A young man obviously suffered from a mental illness (undiagnosed) and went through a *break* mentally... he shot his own mother after stealing her guns from her gun collection, walked into an elementary school and started shooting. Nobody really knows why. But here is the kicker... every where I look on facebook someone has posted how they are terrified to put their kids in public school because of this, people who live in Canada, not in the states that don't know these children or families are crying over the event... American Media have sensationalized this situation... How about the thousands of families that lose their children every single day to bombings by US drones or their own countrymen in Pakistan? or Afghanistan  Or how about the thousands of children that starve to death, or die from infection from filthy water in India or Africa? What Canadian or American families cry for them?

  A short while ago a US military  man went on a drunken rampage and killed 16 people in Afghanistan in the middle of the night while they slept in their houses... 9 of which were children, one man lost his entire family... And you know what happened to him? Nothing so far. If he had done the same in the US, everyone would be in an uproar demanding justice and he probably would have been shot on sight. But.. I suppose his justification of "I thought I was doing the right thing"  (by shooting brown people in their sleep in another country) has actually been taken into account!!! I am MORE outraged by this small story... Mainly because it was NOT in the news... no you have to search for this type of information. "he was on steroids and was drinking" was his defence... What kind of defence is that? He did not plea guilty or innocent either. He admitted to being fully aware of what he did, and was fully aware of what he was doing as he did it... and when he was on trial he gave NO statement, and as they showed the victims and the aftermath of what he did, this father of two stood and watched showing absolutely no remorse. What I learn from this is that it is okay to murder, rape, and beat small children to death in another country, but if it happens in the US to little white kids in a well to do neighbourhood look out!!!

  A 14 year old Pakistani girl was shot in the head and neck while her classmates watched on the school bus... do you know why? Because she was proud to go to school... Because she encouraged other girls to do the same... She has survived, but will not be safe in her own country again. The Taliban has vowed to kill her... I didn't see this pasted all over facebook.

  At least 10 young girls have been killed after an explosion in the eastern Afghan province of Nangarhar, officials say.The explosion occurred in the Charparhar district on Monday morning.The girls, ranged between nine and 13 years of age, were gathering firewood outside the Dawlatzai village when the explosion took place, said Mohammad Seddiq, a local government administrator.It was not immediately clear what caused the explosion.

Seddiq said that two other girls were seriously wounded in the explosion and were in critical condition at a local hospital.

  In the first six months of 2012 over 578 children were killed or wounded in Afghanistan.

    I am not trying to be callus, or uncaring... I care maybe too much... you weep for the children of one little town, but do nothing to try and help those who's lives are in danger every day. It is up to us to make a difference. WE CAN make a difference... But I suppose everyone is *too busy* so sign petitions, or write a letter to the Canadian or US government, because its not happening on this continent, so it does not affect us, it's not as frightening... it's not so close, so it's okay.

WAHM= Work at home mom

My very home made cloth diaper!

  Its not the greatest... but its pretty awesome for a first try after years and years of not sewing and even more years of not dealing with elastic... Working on diapers with a high needs baby is a challenge though... trying to tidy up the house, one handed... and trying to find the time to sew is like searching for a needle in a hay stack.. and pretty exhausting... but I am starting to find a bit of balance. My second diaper turned out a lot better... plus its super rad camo... 

   I love this diaper... Or should I say... I love contrasting colors. My third diaper is perfect and of course the colors are amazing as well. I have figured out that I need to have a stack of them cut out ready to go... that way when I have a little bit of time I can put in the snaps... and then sew them together before adding elastic... but its all in baby steps... one day I cut, the next I do snaps, the day after that I sew... and the day after that I do elastics... once I get into a regular routine I am hoping to have made one to three diapers per day until I have a lot of stock. Hopefully I will be able to sell these beauties.

  I am improving the design and no longer work from a pattern... well I do work from a patter but I work from my own pattern... its just more gooder that way!

   If you would like to see what diapers I have available check out my Etsy shop! http://www.etsy.com/shop/cozybutts

 There WILL be more! Promise!

Its been raining...

      ITS BEEN RAINING!!! 


 It's been raining... like non stop. This mama is going crazy... what kind of summer holidays will we have if there is no summer?!


 My partner and I decided to head up the lake for a much needed family day... unsure as to what the weather was going to be like we mustered up all our luck for the day! 


 Our first stop was at the bottom of Davis Creek... we took the lower path because its very short and ends at a little cave that we thought would be fun for the kids to investigate. The kids weren't too keen on getting out of the van until they realized we were actually going to do something fun! 

I had to lead the way... I ignored the complaining from the oldest and walked away... 

 she reluctantly followed... 

And then things got interesting.... 

  I still cannot believe how hard it is to have *fun* with a teenager... even when you KNOW they are having fun... they can't smile like other people because then someone would think they were less cool... cause you know... you're so fracking cool in your family's eyes... (psst I know what your pajamas look like and I know you cry when I ask you to do dishes DUH)

  
We found that the end of the cave was not escapable due to the flooding creek... the rain had brought the water so high it was leaking into the cave... oh well it was fun... time to turn back!!

 I only wacked my head 7 or 8 times while ambling slowly through the cave with a squirming and freaked out 8 month old in my arms... no biggy... I got some good pictures.... 

 As you can see... the teenager almost broke her face smiling... I am not sure if thats an amused look or a pained expression... probably a little bit of both... 

 My second born was having a blast with the camera... she is setting up her next shot in this photo above... And might I add it is very difficult to get all of them together for a photo and actually have them sit still for it... 

 I tried to make sure everyone was miserable... I am just not doing my job unless someone is crying... 

   I am really not sure what she is doing here... but I thought it was nerdy enough to post.... 0_o 

  My third born... giving me the googley eye... 

My family... my lovelies <3

Then we made a stop in Kaslo for something to eat and decided to go on the old paddlewheeler boat S.S. Moyie for a scavenger hunt!!! 

  
  And of course I had to take some lovely photos of old stuff... 

  and some more.... 

 oh yah... and more pictures of the kids moving and being blurry.... 

    
 In 40 years the kids will be able to look back at these photos and remember what we all did together... 
  
   And possibly wonder wtf? 

 So ... to the weather I say... IN YOUR FACE!!! WE WILL STILL HAVE FUN!!! 

Sleep baby Sleep!

  There is so much controversy around sleep training, co-sleeping, and letting a baby cry it out that some new mommies heads are spinning with all the different advice they are given... I'd like to state right here and now... I don't agree with letting a baby cry it out... sometimes the transition from wakefulness to sleep is dizzying and un-nerving even to adults, and I have no doubt that it can be so for babies as well.

  I have done a lot of research and reading on parenting, sleeping, eating etc... not just on the internet, I have many books as well... I find that the best way to help your baby sleep, is to follow your instincts... if it doesn't feel right letting your baby cry... DON'T DO IT!!!

  I am a co-sleeping supporter... given the right conditions of course... Don't co-sleep with your baby if you and your partner are heavy sleepers, if you have had a few drinks, or you or your partner toss and turn a lot at night or you are taking any sort of drug or medication like anti-depressants or sleep aids... this will cause not only sleep issues in your child, but you run the risk of smothering him or her in your sleep unintentionally. Also another cause for suffocation (and actually one of the most common) is baby getting stuck between headboard and mattress, I blame this on a soft mattress, or the bed is put together wrong etc... soft mattress = bad mojo...

   Tips on SAFE co-sleeping (nothing and I mean NOTHING is 100% safe) 1) avoid a lot of pillows, just one for you, and one for your partner, baby does not need one (2) do not take medications or drugs/alcohol before going to bed with your baby, these things inhibit your ability to respond and can desensitize you to where your baby is in the family bed. (3) Stiff mattress only! soft bedding can not only cause baby to suffocate but if you roll over onto him you may only just squish him into the padding rather than feel him right there with you... a hard mattress is a good mattress! (4) avoid co-sleeping with other children, baby gets squished easy and all those extra limbs can prove a danger to baby.

ABOVE ALL ELSE DO RESEARCH ON EVERYTHING BEFORE TRYING IT WITH BABY!

  I have a few friends that have done the cry it out method, I even did it with my first born... I didn't want to do it with my first born, I did not feel right allowing her to cry herself to sleep when I was perfectly happy rocking her to sleep every night... but my ex pushed and pushed because its what one of his friends told us to do, he even went as far as sitting on me so that I did not run to my daughter to comfort her... I was heart broken. I find that now she has attachment issues, has a hard time developing relationships with peers and has distrust of most adults in her life.

   with my second and third born babies, at about 7-9 months of age I would rock them to sleep and put them in their bed (mattress on the floor) ... they would wake after a few hours of sleep and I would bring them back to bed with me for the remainder of the night.. by the time they were 10 months of age I would rock them to sleep, put them in their beds and they would wake around 5am to come and snuggle with me in the morning... at a year of age I would rock them until they were just falling asleep, put them in their cribs and they would just look at me as I sat by their bed and either rubbed their backs or laid with them until they were entirely asleep.... there was no crying, no heart ache, and no emotional attachment issues whatsoever.

   At the moment I have a 7 month old who sleeps with me every night, I put him in his bassinet beside the bed usually for the most part of the night, he will wake to nurse and sometimes I am with it enough to put him back in his bassinet afterwards, but usually its just easier and nicer to bring him to bed with me... he often wakes 2-5 times during the night, this is not because of how we sleep, this is because of his GERD. As his reflux subsides he sleeps longer and heavier... it's taking a lot of time and patience though.

   I would like to say that of course anything that works for you and your family is great... I support the choices you make for YOUR family and children... but I do not believe that is the only way, and I expect the same respect and support in turn. That being said, there is now new scientific evidence that provides information on the effects of the CIO method proving how it negatively affects your childs FUTURE (future meaning adulthood, so please keep your *my baby is fine* comments to yourself until your child is 25-30 years of age and shows symptoms of emotional instability) abilities to develop healthy relationships, and healthy attachments. This does not just effect abilities of course, this has a lot to do with brain development... although CIO does not cause brain damage, it actually impedes brain development!!! Certain nerves and cells in the brain grow when a child is nurtured and comforted when they cry... when left to their own with no comfort, no nurturing, these nerves and cells break down and redirect, thus distrust and emotional instability can and more likely will develop.

  There are other types of sleep training of course, you don't have to allow your baby to cry and cry until he or she passes out, (they pass out from being emotionally distraught, not tiredness). But please be aware that most *sleep training* requires you to go against your own grains of what feels right and doesn't feel right... you can easily become desensitized  to your babies needs, and your baby can become desensitized to everything around him and withdraw.  Most sleep training methods only teach you one thing, how to ignore your baby's calls for comfort and help, and they teach your baby one thing, nobody will come when you need comfort or help.

  If your current daytime/night time routine is not working for you, it is quite possible that you need to sit down and write out what your bedtime goal is... if you want baby to fall asleep by a certain time, have a routine... for example: Dinner time 7pm, bath time 7:30pm, bed time 8pm... do this every day so it is predictable... baby's love this type of security, they know what happens next and will eventually fall into a better sleep pattern, once baby is comfortable going to sleep at 8pm, start laying him down and staying close at that time he will no doubt be in the routine enough that he will eventually (it could take weeks or a month even) to fall asleep on his own without crying and without you learning to ignore him. he knows this time is bed time, and he has been preparing for it since dinner time!!!

  Routine routine routine ladies... and gents. This is ultimately my goal with my youngest, as I had a wonderful routine with my two middle children, I hope to have the same routine with my little man. That being said I hope that his GERD is gone soon so that I can establish a good solid routine with him.

  No single approach will work with all babies, all the time... Or with one baby all the time, DON'T persist with a failing sleep program if it is NOT working with you and your baby.

a good read below...

  http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting

Raising creative intuitive children

 Olivia... Invented by shakespeare for his Play "Twelfth night" Olivia was either meant to be the female form of 'Oliver' or derived from the word 'Olive' which is a symbol of peace.

 Olivia as a baby never cried... never got herself worked up... and would not wake me at niht for feedings.. I just 'knew' when to wake up and feed her. Until she was 9 months old she never made a sound. At 9 months she had a surgery on her ear, and didn't like the doctor, she finally cried that day... and so did I.

  By the age of three years I knew she was vastly different than other children her age. She had no interest in socializing with other children... and was happy to play on her own or hang with the grown ups. She said and understood things most children couldn't at such a young age. There was one morning (about 5am) I woke to a knock at the door... a strange woman was standing on my doorstep with little Olivia, who had decided around 4am to take the dog for a walk down the highway... in her panties and gum boots in the snow! This is when we decided we needed a lock on the very top of the door, because the bolt we had she could reach when using a chair and the flour bin!!!

  At 5 years of age I hesitantly put Olivia in kindergarten... I was worried she would not do so well... I was correct... the first few days were okay. After the first two weeks Olivia was showing signs of stress, when I went to inform the teacher I discovered a substitute in her place... I told the sub, and left her to it. An hour later I received a phone call... Olivia had a fit... threw herself on the floor and was banging her head repeatedly... I had to come get her because every time someone tried to console her she acted out more.  This is when we discovered she was easily overwhelmed in social settings, any physical touch could set her off... a TA touched her shoulder when telling her how well she did and it sent her into a frenzy. It took several days to calm her down

  A few days after this incident I was contacted by ministry of children and family's, they were suspecting abuse of course because children *don't normally act that way* ... well ministry came and went... they saw my home... the way we lived, and how my children are with me... they saw no reason to interfere again. I of course was offended by the fact that someone suspected me but I let it roll off my back. I knew I was doing the best I could with my children.

  Several weeks later I received yet another phone call from the ministry, and a visit of course... Olivia had been jumping on the couch while I was making dinner, and just as I had finished telling her not to she ended up jumping over the back of the couch and face planting into the boot rack... Apparently because I did not tell her teacher why she had a  bruise on her forehead it must be because I was beating her... just to add to this... NOBODY ASKED WHAT HAPPENED!

  I gave up and pulled her out of school. I told the teacher she was one of the worse kindergarten teachers I had ever met. I realize she was just doing her job... and was looking out for the children... but my daughter was very obviously different than the rest of them, and if she wasn't willing to hear me out than why bother having her in that class?

  School has always been a challenge with my very creative, and very different second born child. She has learned to manipulate people to get what she wants. Throwing fits in class so she gets special one on one *art time* in a quiet room away from the other kids is ultimately her goal... as well as turning on the water works at lunch time and claiming she has nothing to eat so she gets an extra granola bar... and obviously NOT eating her sandwich or apple. (I am happy to say after 4 years the teachers are finally listening to me)... all this being said... she is a brilliant little person with so much love and creativity just pouring out of her.

  It did not take long for me to know exactly how different she was... when she finally *settled* into school (still needing out of class time to bring herself down) I had a meeting with the TEAM of teachers and therepists helping her... they all had different ideas on what Olivia is like... I spoke up finally after an hour of listening to them go on and on about ADHD and ADD... she is neither of those. "have ANY of you noticed she uses both right and left hands when shes coloring or writing?" ... all the teachers went silent... one of them finally spoke up and said "not only is she ambidextrous physically but I think she is ambidextrous mentally as well.. she can follow what is going on in the class room AND still be learning what the teacher is teaching" .... finally someone had noticed my childs gift.

  Olivia is a cuddly, gentle, and sensitive little person... and by little I mean up until last year she was easily mistaken for being only 5 or 6 years old when in fact she is turning 11!! Her vocabulary is at a grade 9 level... and her understanding of things is easily above many adults I know. When she is not sure of a persons name she makes up a name and continues to call them that name until she sees fit to call them by their own name... Take Fergus for example, my sisters boyfriend. Olivia had forgotten his name... so she started calling him *Oakster* ... I have no idea where this name came from... but she still calls him that to this day... when you say *Fergus* she says *oh you mean Oakster*. Not only that but if you ask her what she would do if she were stranded on an island with no food she would reply with "I'd start cannibalizing, I think I would eat the people I don't like first"... strange and wonderful little girl...

Olivia showing the camera some *dead carcass hair*

  I think it was hard for my partner to ease carefully into being a part of our family, but Olivia sure loved him right off the bat. She is not shy to share her feelings with people... she made sure to snuggle him when he was on the couch... and she tells him that she loves him almost every day. I don't know how this story will unfold with Olivia... but I am sure it will be a colorful and interesting one at the very least.

 

MADATA- Moms And Dads Against Teen Angst

  After reading a friends facebook status on how to make a school morning enjoyable for children I couldn't resist...
 
  My idea of an enjoyable school morning is as follows...
1) Walk into the bedroom of the usually grumpiest (teenager) kids room blasting 60's music while disco dancing /jumping on their bed and yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"

2) when cereal is grumpily being poured into bowls proceed to either
   a) chase child around the room ass first threatening to fart on them or
   b) Try to do the *mommy breakdance* while making strange faces

 Note* Teenager will raise one eyebrow and either call you weird or say something like
 "oh my god you are so embarrassing"
- Oh my god you are so embarrassing = I really want you to do this when my friends are over visiting
- When you get a headshake you KNOW your doing it right!

 3) When they start complaining about there being *nothing to eat*... offer them some farts... proceed to chase around the room screaming their names while moving your butt cheeks so it looks like your butt is talking!

4) Always approach teen caring and lovingly when you are particularly gassy.... grab teen and fart... say "just relax and accept it" while patting them on the head over and over..

5) When friends are over make sure to say random things that make no sense... they will then hang out quietly away from you.

6) When teen looks miserable (more than usual) ask "why so glum chumdiddlyumdumbumflumbiddledeedoo?" - this will confuse them and they might crack a smile... or you will at least get a raised eyebrow.

7) "you are horrible I hate you, you never let me do anything!!!" = you are doing a good job mom (dad) I love you so much!

8) when teen complains about siblings getting all the attention... jump on teen, kiss them all over their face and yell "YOU TASTE SO GOOD I LOVE YOU I SHOULD HAVE COOKED AND EATEN YOU LIKE I DID WITH YOUR OLDER BROTHER!!!!"  - this will raise questions, opening them up for one on one conversation and bonding time.

This is the "mom... I love you" look.

Moving! UHG!!!

  So after knowing we had to be moved we found a place that was just about the right size for us. As moving day drew closer and more and more things were packed... Baby Jakob decided I might disappear with all of our belongings...

  There is NO easy way to move with a 6 month old baby who is extremely aware of his surroundings. Packing up the belongings of 6 people and 3 dogs in the house is no easy task for anyone, nor is keeping everything organized from beginning to end... and all with one hand. That's right... ONE hand... Jakob decided that I was obviously going to disappear along with everything that was going into boxes so I was not allowed to put him down for any reason at all...

 Jakob decided that I was obviously going to disapear along with everything that was going into boxes so I was not allowed to put him down for any reason at all... And then I got the brilliant idea of tossing him into a box... this seemed to be okay so long as I was in sight the entire time. Of course this means its only actually okay after the formal taste test...

 
 Once being in a box was okay and he decided that it was not food... Sophie needed to join... there ain't no party like a box party!

 
 I am not sure if Sophie enjoyed herself as much as Jakob... since he was the one driving... and he feels that he's *pimpin* in his new ride... watch it... he might pop a cap in your buttinkski...

  I managed to get about 60 pictures taken... and a whole 3 boxes packed with BOTH hands!!! GO ME!!!

Another reflux post

  I often wonder what I could have possibly done differently when I was pregnant... I think about what could have caused this horrible disease in my baby. I wish that things were different, that he didn't go through the pain of reflux. I know that if he didn't have reflux we would both sleep so much better... I have days where I don't really like my beautiful son, I love him, but I don't like him. Going out was always an anxious time for me... I had a really hard time leaving the house, and every time I did Jakob would cry all the way to town and all the way back... hated the car seat, and would throw up all over himself. I found that I needed to take 5 changes of clothing and 5 receiving blankets with me for a 2 hour outing... I had an average of three loads of laundry to do every day... half of it would be my clothing that he threw up all over, the other half would be his own clothing and receiving blankets.

  A good day for us is having maybe 3-5 hours sleep... and I only have to have him in my arms or on my hip 75% of the time. Laying my son down for tummy time just simply didn't and does not happen, or at least not often. laying him down means that the digestive acids in his stomach as well as anything he may have eaten will be coming up his throat. I have had many people recommend things to me to help his reflux, I have also cut out a lot of foods in my diet that cause his reflux to act up. The first idea was "switch him to formula, its thicker and will help him sleep better" .... uh what?! There are a few problems with this suggestion, first of all, formula takes longer to digest, it will not sit in a tummy that has a wide open valve, and seeing as how it will take longer to digest that means longer periods of time where he is choking and gagging on it...secondly, formula is full of chemicals and sugars the baby cannot use, and can potentially cause not only more digestive upset, and colic, but allergies, and increase babies risk of childhood cancers. Another recommendation was Avacado... Avacado can be mashed and fed straight to baby, no cooking required, plus it has live enzymes that help the tummy to digest it, it also being a heavier food does not reflux back up as easily... I recommend Avacado now as well... for not only just this reason, but if you really feel the need to give baby solids in hopes it will help, its also full of good fats, good sugars, and Tons of nutritional value!

  There is nothing quite like the pain a mother feels emotionally, not being able to kiss the boo boo and make it better... the anticipation of the horrible nights haunt me through the day... the non stop questions I ask myself... "is it going to be like last night? will I get two or three hours sleep? or is it going to be like last week.. where I had to doze in and out of sleep periodically having to change position because my baby keeps choking?" Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I cannot even fall asleep... I end up laying awake all night. My partner and I were really looking forward to co-sleeping with our little man. That just doesn't happen... Jakob cannot sleep on a flat surface, or his reflux will keep us all up all night. Before we knew he had reflux there were several times where he had woke me up by thrashing in his sleep, he couldn't breath and was choking on his own vomit that had come out his nose and mouth as well. He also has a constant stuffy nose, this is due to the stomach acids backing right up and into his nose, injuring sensitive membranes. We currently have him in a bassinet that I have set up especially for him, so he is always on an elevated surface to sleep on. During the day my baby boy naps on me or in his car seat....most of the time on me though.

 A very short while ago we tried medication, Rinitidine, basically its baby Zantac... for heartburn, we had him on it for several days. This stuff tastes like earwax and mint, not a great combo, in fact anything mixed with earwax tastes pretty aweful.  The medication definatly did not help, in fact his reflux flare ups increased and became more severe, causing him to develop Sandifers syndrome... which is a reflux pain related seizure, sandifers syndrome will stop when reflux stops... We stopped giving him medication about 5 days after we started it, the first night was rough but not as rough as it had been on the medication, but the Sandifers continued, and let me tell you, there is nothing quite more terrifying than hanging onto your baby for dear life while he thrashes in your arms uncontrollably. Night 2 without medication was a bit better... he woke 4 times  and only two of the four times did he thrash. Night three was pretty awesome off medication, he woke up after sleeping a solid 4 hours, nursed for five minutes ... thrashed off and on for 20 minutes... then he was out for another two hours.... was up at 4am, nursed, thrashed off and on for 10 minutes than was out until 6 am.

  I have to take every day, one day at a time, just because we have a few good days doesn't mean we will have another good day (or night)... as a breastfeeding mama I found I had to change my diet drastically... any acidic foods or juices can cause baby's reflux to flare up. Tomatoes are our number 1 worse food, anything with tomato sauce can cause major issues... it only takes 1 tsp of tomato sauce to cause my boy to vomit all day and night... so... No pizza, lasagna, or pasta. I really cannot have any chocolate, but if my sweet tooth is really bad I have maybe five chocolate covered blueberries at most. I cannot drink apple juice or orange juice, those cause reflux to get really bad as well, I haven't tried any other juices, most have citrus fruits in them. Wheat is no longer a part of my diet, I am not sure why but it definatly triggers my little mans reflux. Basically, anything you should stay away from that can cause gas, will cause reflux to rear its ugly head in an infant. I find that having plenty veggies to snack on during the day is good. I dont eat any processed foods of any kind but I know those can cause reflux to act up as well... safe snacks are carrots, celery, yellow or red peppers, pears, avacado, breast meat from chicken or turkey, and cereal (with coconut milk or almond milk). Avoid any dairy products if you can... at most have a small amount of yogurt for the probiotics (3tbsp at most). Of course as it has only been 6 months of reflux, I am sure my lists will grow.

 Countless nights have I sat up all night holding my baby vertically so he could sleep, the back pain and migraines that came with it were almost too much to bear. It wasn't until I noticed a direct correlation between foods I was eating and how bad his reflux was that I started leaving foods out of my diet.I have also noticed that when he goes through any  major developmental stages he has flare ups as well. We still have many bad nights, and I have accepted that we won't sleep through the night for a long time yet, but I have hopes that he will get through this in the next few months. I am starting to enjoy having my baby finally, but it has been a long hard road.

 I am currently debating as to wether or not I will attempt another medication with Jakob. Medications make me nervous, almost as nervous as vaccinations. Mainly because of my immune system strangeness, and random allergies that pop up. There is a possibility that I will take Jakob for further testing, but I don't feel it is really needed considering he has all the signs and symptoms of reflux other than weight loss... hes a chunker... a big chunker.... and typically babies with reflux fail to thrive. Jakob eats when his reflux is bad, then throws up, then eats more, its a viscous cycle. The sucking and swallowing action of nursing actually relieves the pain from the reflux and as long as he is nursing the food stays down... but this in the end causes his reflux to become that much worse because he has over filled his fat little tummy.

 I am happy to say with all my dietary changes it has helped to reduce the amount of reflux issues we have, without medications. He has not lost his voice in a few weeks now, which makes me very happy. Yes he has lost his voice, for several days at a time he wouldn't baby babble because it was obviously painful for him. The stomach acids burned his vocal cords and throat so much he has even had a hard time swallowing and has cried while nursing because it hurts. I get some free hands during the day now that Jakob is sitting up on his own, he throws up less now because of that very same reason. I will be trying some natural products that are out there on the market this week... I will make sure to edit this particular post with the names of said products and results of using them.

  I heard of a book called *Welcome to Holland* ... Have you? It's about raising a child with disability.. although reflux is not technically a handicap, it is at the same time. 



by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland

Being a mumma with a reflux baby

          GERD


If you don't know the meaning of this word... it is time to learn. GERD, or simply *reflux* is probably one of the most difficult parts of raising a baby. I never had  reflux baby until now. My first three babies were lovely sleepers, only waking in the middle of the night twice until they were about 4 months old and then were sleeping through the night. 


  My journey with Jakob has been a terribly bumpy road, although it started as any other road would, smooth and euphoric. At about 4 weeks old I started noticing how, different he was and how much he needed me... always wanting to be held, and did NOT want to lay down even for a nap. There were several days where he slept 20 minutes every 4 hours and made sure I only slept 20 minutes every four hours as well. When I realized something was wrong was when he woke me in the night choking and thrashing... he could not breath and if I hadn't been co-sleeping with him I would have slept through it and he would not be here with us today. The day after he had woken me up thrashing, he had an unusual amount of spit up, he spat up about twice after every single feeding, with or without burps.


 At 6 weeks JD threw up with every single feeding, and at least twice between feedings. I found myself doing about three loads of laundry per day of just me and JD's clothing and receiving blankets. He would wake up at least 3 times at night choking, and screaming. There had been several days where he had almost lost his voice. Our evenings were chalked full of frustration, Jakob screaming, and taking turns walking him around the house. 


  At 12 weeks we finally took Jakob into the doctor. Ah, this is when my fears were confirmed... Jakob has Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease... Otherwise known as GERD. Now that I knew what he had, maybe there was a home something or other I could do to help him. I refuse to medicate unless all other avenues have been tried.  


  Trial and error my friends... I started giving him fennel and dill seed tea... just a little bit... it did help but not a whole lot. It got all his burps and farts out so he was a little more comfortable... but it seems that the larger he gets, the worse the reflux. Once he hit about four months old I started giving him a little bit of solids... just a little... to see if it would help. It really did for a few weeks... Avacado is a wonderful first food by the way, it has good fats in it... unlike anything else you might find... a human being can survive off of avacado's entirely... so I know I am not giving him empty calories, and he sleeps for about four hours. But, as he gets older and bigger and requires more food the reflux gets worse.


 As a breastfeeding mother, I have had to change my diet drastically for the sake of my sons reflux. this is a small list of foods that I cannot have for as long as I am breastfeeding.
- eggs
-tomatoes or tomato sauce
-processed foods of any kind
-fried foods
-more than 1 glass of orange juice
-cheese
-dairy
-beans
-wheat
-chocolate


  This is just the  beginning. these are the foods I have noticed trigger his reflux after I eat them.... now he has reflux all the time, but when I eat these foods he becomes a puking machine. Neither he or I get enough sleep at all. We can be up 3-20 times in a night and sometimes we both just give up on sleeping. Countless nights on the couch dozing propped up with him on my chest have taught me to avoid so many different foods. Now I have to check the ingredients on everything that goes into my body. 


  Recently my partner and I have decided to give our little man medication (we are both anti-med). The medication does not seem to be helping, we are on night four of his screaming fits. By screaming fit I mean his eyes are still closed and he is thrashing in his sleep screaming. This will happen for about a half hour after every single time he eats, and I think it causes me just as much pain as it does for him, but my pain is emotional because I cannot make it better for him. I have had many people suggest putting him on formula, but there are three problems with that, first of all, he wont take a bottle, secondly, formula although it might work for other people... it's shite.... and third I do NOT want to lose the bond that only breastfeeding can provide. From what I understand, formula is actually the very last thing you want to give a reflux baby, it stays in their system longer, and its harder to digest, meaning its in babies tummy longer which means worse reflux issues for longer periods of time. I realize solids might do the exact same thing but solids sit in the stomach... they dont tend to come up like a fluid does. 


  -Apr 11/12 
  We took JD off the meds. they do not seem to be helping him at all, and both me and my partner feel better for it. As I stated before we do not like medicating. Tomorrow we will be picking up papaya enzymes, and we will be mixing that with fennel seed tea and his solid foods. Hopefully we can see a difference with these changes.


-Apr 15/12
  A sudden and harsh realization has hit me today as I was doing some research on home remedies for treating reflux... earlier in my post I stated that my son thrashes at night... this is only partially true... his back and neck arch and stiffen jerkily and he screams a blood curdling scream... this is actually Sandifers syndrome... they are seizures related to GERD... still doing more research.

Happy Easter!!

The art of *going out* kidless

Every mommy deserves a night out now and again, even if you and your spouse cannot really afford it. You fantasize for months about going out for a night, having a few drinks, and then baby arrives and the sudden realization that you don't want anyone taking care of our baby but you sets in. NOBODY can take care of your baby the way you do, they just don't know what they are doing! After what feels like years of lack of sleep, your constant tiredness gets the better of you. That's it! the second baby is asleep I'm going out and leaving baby with a family member/close friend, of course someone you trust. This is my first time going out experience since having my little JD.

  So, last night me and my partner had the chance to go out. One of my best friends came in for work from  out of town, and she is one of the only three people I would trust to take care of Jakob. Friday night was part of our original plan but Jakob had a super refluxy night thursday night and we were both ready for bed by 9pm.  Last night before JD was asleep, I had a shower, did my hair up and used my favorite flower clips, they are big and bold and brightly colored. I put on my new tights, and my super short tight dress. Oooo yes... and I made sure to wear my new, designer heels, something I never do outside of the house. I think I was looking pretty dynamite. I did not bother with make-up as my honey likes me all natural.

  I got JD down at 8:15 pm... our reservations were for 9pm, PERFECT! This was my chance. As I gave Cyndi the run down and made sure to have my cell phone on me 10 times and put my jacket and shoes on... and then JD started crying. I rush to the bedroom and scoop the little fart out of his bassinet. He calmed down pretty quick, I tried to put him back down, that was a NO GO. I swear, babies always know when mommies and daddies are gonna go out and have fun. JD seemed to be uncomfortable, maybe even in pain. I checked his diaper, and removed the extra liner I put in for over night (we use cloth diapers) and shifted the diaper around a bit. I did up his sleeper and snuggled him close, he was still uncomfortable, his little cheeks were rosie, and he felt a little bit warm. Dan (my partner) came in and gave me the infant tylenol. Now if any of you know me I hate medication, I hate medicating the baby especially, but he was very uncomfortable, he has been *toying* with the idea of getting teeth, again (he got a tooth over christmas and then it went back down). By this point it was 8:45... and this was very not like JD to wake up so shortly after falling asleep.

  After getting JD back to sleep, I gently placed him in his bassinet and quietly snuck out of the room. We through on our jackets and headed out.. "make sure to call me if he wakes up! He's starting to play stranger and probably wont calm down for you, and if he starts crying its almost impossible to get him to stop!". Cyndi knows the routine, she is a mommy too, I didn't really need to tell her that but I did need to tell her, it's what us mommies do.

  Dan and I raced out the door, climbed into the truck and headed out. I held my phone the entire drive, staring at it and waiting for a call. Might I add the entire time we were in sight of the house I stared at every single window  to see if Cyndi was headed down the hall to cuddle my now screaming baby? yeah, I totally did, until the house was no longer in view.

  As we arrived at the restaurant I texted Cyndi.. "You know, if you feel like it, feel free to check on JD and make sure he is still breathing and hasn't choked or anything"... her response "He's fine, enjoy your night out with your man! stop texting!"... *sigh*

 We ordered our drinks, I checked my phone, we discussed what to have as an appetizer and what to have for dinner, all the while I checked my phone. We ordered our dinner, and talked like grown ups, as I kept checking my phone. We talked about the kids, about moving, about work benches (Dan carves and is very talented I might add) and I kept checking my phone. By the time we were done our appetizer I think I checked my phone at least 60 times or more... it was in front of me the entire time its not like it could have rang without me noticing but that didn't stop me from checking...

  Cyndi had not texted or called, what if he stopped breathing? What if he rolled over and was suffocating? What if he refluxed and was choking?!?!?!?!

  Dinner was served, it was awesome, ginger beef and prawns with red peppers, served on thick noodles with foccacia bread. TO DIE FOR! Between bites, I checked my phone, what if my phone was disconnected? I paid the bill didn't I? is it on? why haven't I gotten a text message or a phone call?
We were done eating at exactly 10:16 on the dot... yes I know this because I checked my stupid phone. And we were ready to head out. We got our bill and honestly as nice as it was to get out with no kids at all, I was practically racing out the door, I just couldn't wait to get home and see my baby.

  We got home at 10:36 pm... I raced in the door... and as I entered and took my jacket off my very tired best friend Cyndi informed me that she checked on JD every 15 minutes and he was fine... I knew she would, shes a momma bear too... I knew I didn't have a reason to worry... but it is what I do... I'm a momma bear!!!

  I loved my night out, it was fantastic, maybe next time I wont be so distracted with worry. I love that my Dan appreciates how protective I am, even enjoys it at times. Don't worry mama's... all of us have the baby crazies, especially on our first night out... this is how the human race has survived. Mommies carry the pleasures and the burden of our adorable responsibilities.

Cloth diaper obsession

I have developed a cloth diaper obsession...


  I know this sounds maybe a little strange, especially to those who use disposable diapers, but I have an addiction to cloth diapers. I want to try every kind out there that I can get my mitts on. I presently have 5 grovia cloth diaper shells with 12 inserts, 16 mother-ease one size organic bamboo cloth diapers, 6 g diapers and 15 snap in liners and multiple soaker pads. I have used the little cotton diapers with the velcro fasteners that are good from 7-16 pounds, fuzzibun'z pocket diapers, the list goes on... I will cover the branded diapers in this post, these are my own reviews on them.


  Having a very chunky leg baby its difficult to find a cloth diaper that fits my boys thighs comfortably while providing leak protection. And I do mean chunky, he is in the 95th percentile for his weight and wears a 9-12 month sleeper at 5 months old!


   The one size Mother-ease diapers have been fantastic for the most part, they are extremely absorbent and have multiple size adjustments around the tummy... but I did find the elasticity around the thighs to be lacking and did not allow quite enough movement for my boy. Also I found myself doing a load of laundry every day that was JUST cloth diapers AND liners... not so water saving! I love my mother-ease diapers... but it's time for me to move on, they just don't suit my life-style. 


  I had the pleasure of trying a monkey-doodle'z diaper, these diapers are actually a waterproof shell with absorbent cloth inserts, I had one shell and two inserts, and picked it up second hand for 10$. I found it to be rather fantastic until there was a poop... newborn poops are always runny, and with these diapers it would run off the soaker insert and into the shell rendering the second insert useless because I had to wash the shell every time. Maybe I did not have enough to appreciate them.. but I wasn't completely impressed with how they fit around my chunky leg baby anyway. 


The next diaper I tried was the Grovia diapers... these amazing little things I picked up second hand, 5 diaper shells and 12 liners for 50$ Lucky lucky me because these bad boys go for 19.75 a piece on average and that does NOT include the inserts. I am presently still using these diapers, I like how absorbent the inserts are and the fact there is enough room for me to add an additional liner for over night. These diapers work best for us so far, the elastic around the legs is firm enough to hold yet soft enough that it is not cutting off circulation. the only downfall I have found is that I have the older version meaning it has a velcro fastener rather than the snaps, but otherwise I am rather happy. The grovia inserts are maybe a little overpriced considering they are the part of the diaper to be directly shat and pissed on... that's the only real draw back, but you can always use different liners. I like to use disposable liners over my good liners to avoid any poo stains. 

Jakob modelling his green grass grovia

I have several g diapers I have been using here and there as well... I only sort of understand all the hype about them but only partially. I find that there are maybe too many pieces to this diaper... you have your cloth cover, then the plastic shell insert that snaps in... and then you have to stuff it with your liners/soaker's.... this bothers me because if I am in town I don't want to be trying to straighten all this stuff out and having to carry a bunch of extra laundry is annoying.  Other wise these diapers are rather neat in other ways... the fact you can replace the plastic insert in case of a poo explosion is beneficial, I must admit, and the look of the g cloth is pretty cool, along with the fact that the Velcro does up in the back, so if you have a handsy toddler that always ends up streaking when your back is turned... Id say these are a winner... if you don't mind the hassle of multiple pieces that is.


I borrowed a Charlie-banana'z cloth diaper from a friend, and I have to say I have very mixed feelings about it so far. I love how soft the inside is, I mean its great because it goes against my little mans skin, I love the brightness of the colors they come in and the range of colors from pastels to brights, and then onto dark's. I don't however like *stuffing* diapers... this is a pocket diaper, meaning you stuff the soaker pad into a slit on one end of the diaper... I honestly have never really been a fan of these.... and I found that even though the elastic fit around his chunky thighs comfortably and the diaper didn't look huge on him, the white fluffy inside was also visible (something you cannot fix) and when he was wet so was that little bit on the outside of the diaper which in turn made his clothes wet as well... I have not perfected using a charlie banana so maybe I am judging unfairly, but if you are a first time coth diaper user... going with the easiest is probably the best bet... if you need to perfect cloth diaper use, your using the wrong cloth diaper.


If any of you have a cloth diaper that you would like to suggest I try next feel free to leave a comment, and if I can find one used locally I will gladly give it a try.


Until next time ladies and gents <3 

WHY am I a stay at home mommy...

"I feel nowadays that life is about money and belongings, its no longer about family"


There is a reason why I chose to stay at home with the children...  In fact I was once a career minded individual, I had school and a more than full time job and my three children who were being raised by their grandmother and their father. I worked anywhere from 8 -20 hours in a day and rarely saw my children, I would be up with them in the morning and see them about 30-45 minutes until they left for school. 


When I became pregnant with Jakob, my opinions changed drastically... although I was still working I was working in retail, much slower paced and physically bearable than the night-time janitorial. My partner and I had discussed it and I had planned on going on maternity leave until baby was about 6-8 weeks old and then I was going to go back to work for the *break* shifts (2 hour shifts 3 days a week) just so I had something to do that was outside of the house. Needless to say that is NOT happening... Jakob will not take a bottle and at least half of the time still will not calm down for anyone but the mumma. 


My reason for this blog is because I have had a lot of friends ask when is a good time to go back to work after having a baby? Firstly... When YOU AND BABY are ready!!! You might be ready but baby I doubt will be... at least until he is over a year old. It has been proven that babies, raised by one full time parent and one part time parent actually has a better chance of developing long term close relationships later on in life. For example.. if your baby goes to daycare and the daycare staff changes, babysitters change... in and out of your child's life, that actually sets a standard for you're child with all the short term relationships and short term bonds, it actually encourages short term relationships and short term bonds. I am not saying that daycare doesn't have its place or uses... I feel they are very much needed at least for some family's but if your child is in daycare full time 9am-5pm that is your child's life, people and other children in and out constantly. It can be detrimental to your child's ability to build lasting friendships and relationships. I know I know I have heard all the arguments "my child was in daycare full time and turned out fine shes 16" ... no... I am sorry you will not see the actual results until your child is in his or her adulthood... adult meaning 25 years of age or older. Babies that are raised by family members, ie; grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle, mom and dad have a better chance at developing trust, and strong bonds. 


For those who oppose attached parenting first you need to understand what attached parenting is. We all as parents practice some form of attached parenting, you're baby cries, you pick him/her up and comfort them, you carry your teething and upset baby around in an effort to keep him calm because you know it hurts. Attached parenting does not mean you allow your child to get away with everything and coddle your child, in fact its quite the opposite. By responding to your babies cries and other cues you are providing your child with security, he knows that when he hurts, or is sad, or feels alone, mommy or daddy will be there to help him through it and comfort him when he needs it most. Practicing attached parenting to me means my children will grow up to be at least somewhat emotionally stable. Some babies and children are perfectly fine going to bed without being held, pop teeth out without a fuss, and are happy playing on their own, and that is just fine, but you may end up one day with a child that is like no other and requires just that much more. 


I often hear parents complaining that if they do the attached parenting they wont be able to go out for a night... or sleep... or do anything really without a baby attached to them... this is only true to a certain degree. Your baby is only a baby once... Your baby is crying because he requires attention from the person who for 10 months held him inside of her womb, listen mommies... your a mommy now... why on earth did you have a baby if you weren't planning on being a full time parent? They are only so needy for such a small amount of time in their entire lives... one day your baby wont need you.